A Letter to a Crackhead...

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HAPPY HOLIDAY SEASON TO ALL!!

This pumpkin had way too much to drink...

My Dragon...

This is me. I am no artist as you have noted. I believe it describes me accurately. The shield to keep people out, and away from me. My heart is cracked, and I am sad, but I am ready to fight anyone. Try and get close to me, and I will hurt you. The small peace sign tells me that maybe I don't want to be this way, but I am...

Love confronts...

Oh the irony of it all. Just when I published the below post, the phone rings. My favorite person...She knows me well. She posed the question..."How long has it been since you had a bath?" I had to be honest and say once, since she left. I was then ordered to take a bath...So I will..."Right Now" she said...The water is running as I type...Love, is a wonderful motivator.

The bottomless pit...

I am feeling consumed by depression...By doing a step 10, it got me to my computer to blog. I haven't felt like doing much at all. I have slept most of the day, as I gave in to the lectures about the evils of coffee. I usually drink at least a pot of coffee a day, and have for years. I had one cup of instant this morning, and one about 7:30pm. I don't think I am ready to give up coffee yet. I am depressed enough without sleeping all day. I think sometimes people are just stupid. At least thoughts of dusting myself into the pit of hell has passed. Killing oneself is no answer. I don't know if there is really a hell, but I don't wanna take any chances if there is. Got an email from my sister tonight...A good friend of mine that I used to party with died. His obit was in the paper. He didn't drink a lot like I did, but we sure did tons of acid together. I don't think about drinking...But doing acid crosses my mind once in a while...Maybe not a good thing to do if one is mentally off the track such as myself....Probably best left to the hippies, as my father would say...I didn't think by my roommate moving away would bother me so much. But it is...

Lyrics to "Just Like a Pill"

I'm lyin' here on the floor where you left me
I think I took too much
I'm crying here, what have you done?
I thought it would be fun


I can't stay on your life support, there's a
shortage in the switch,
I can't stay on your morphine, cuz its making me
itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again but shes
being a little bitch,
I think I'll get outta here, where I can


Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me
ill
You keep makin' me ill


I haven't moved from the spot where you left me
This must be a bad trip
All of the other pills, they were different
Maybe I should get some help


I can't stay on your life support, there's a
shortage in the switch,
I can't stay on your morphine, cuz its making me
itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again but shes
being a little bitch,
I think I'll get outta here, where I can


Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me
ill
You keep makin' me ill


Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me
ill
You keep makin' me ill


I can't stay on your life support, there's a
shortage in the switch,
I can't stay on your morphine, cuz its making me
itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again but shes
being a little bitch,
I think I'll get outta here, where I can


Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me
ill
You keep makin' me ill

Discovering codependency

"Just Like A Pill" Music Video
This is a great music video...I couldn't describe relationships in early recovery any better than this...I will post the lyrics soon...

"Just Like A Pill" by PINK

Think, think, think...

I don't know where that AA slogan came from. But I see it on a lot of walls at AA meeting rooms. On the 7th of this month, I started testosterone therapy. It is my hope that it will help with my depression. I have to get rid of this nearly overwhelming feeling of running a knife into my neck. I think about it every day. I think about how quick it would be, and about how it would fix every thing. Keeping a blog is interesting. I notice the month of August isn't listed in the archives...That was such an important month too...