LOST IN SPACE...DANGER WILL ROBINSON!

It appears that I have been away for a while. My alcoholic brain did not go on vacation, and leave my rational brain to take over while it was gone...I hope that my alcoholic brain would take a very long vacation. I just don't know if it can do that, as it would seem that it is all I have to work with for the time being...

 

I moved out of the homeless shelter the first of August. I shared a place with a guy who wanted to start a computer business. A good friend of mine came over and we had an alcoholic brain housewarming party. That means we got flaming drunk. That started a chain of events that boggle my mind. I hadn't put a needle in my arm since 1979. I had heard so much about methamphetamine, I had to get some and try it. Two days after I got drunk, I was injecting crystal meth. There must have been something attractive to me about shooting up in the bathroom, then once I was able to stand up I would run out of there through the living room to the balcony, blind, sweat flying, with an erection a horse would envy, close to orgasm, then I would yell for someone to bring me a wet towel. I would be burning up, my heart was outta control, and my vision was shot...But damn it all, felt so good. I did this behavior for the following three days. Then I had a moment of clarity, and stopped. I finally fell asleep on day five. The month of September, I did drink several times with an old girlfriend of mine. She came over and asked me what I wanted to do, so I said, get drunk and screw. So we did. That is a great country western song. Anyway, I got back to the program of AA about a month ago. I don't know how I managed to get back. I got lucky I suppose. I sometimes think I am not capable of being honest with myself. Am I one of those unfortunates? This tells me that I am powerless. This is a very true reality for me...This is where I am today. Just not drinking or using...I don't know what else to do at this point. I am scared shitless...