Alcoholic Brain

Hi and thanks for visiting. I have an alcoholic brain. I will try to post comments daily about how this alcoholic brain functions.
Sober date: October 4th, 2004.

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Location: West Coast, United States

Saturday, August 11, 2018

Ain't dead yet...

Deep state depression,   dry drunk and getting old.  It is obvious that I'm suffering from the effects of all the above.   Some say it's because I haven't been to an AA meeting in almost 5 years, and assume that I'm drinking and or shooting dope.   These are only partially true.   But more needs to be explored as to what led up to abandoning the AA program of  recovery from alcoholism.  Some "pretend Alcoholics" would reference the above mentioned easily.  But there 
is much more to this disease.  It involves much  more than than continued drinking despite  the  negative consequences.  In my next post I will expose the etiology that led to my total program of isolation and apathetic approach to "recovery. "  Please be patient with me.   More will be revealed very soon.  Stay tuned. 

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Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Merry Christmas

Another sober Christmas.  Since my last post a lot has happened.  For about the past six months I have been looking for a place to rent.   I have spent the last eight years with a woman I dearly love.  The issue is we just don't get along very well much of the time.  We agreed back then, that it be best if I would hang my hat in my own crib.  I'm on a fixed income so it's ideal for me to split the cost of a rental with a roommate.   An old roommate of mine from years ago was also looking.   We rented a house about 40 miles from where I live now.  We took it over December 3rd, and I'm still moving stuff.  I should be done by the first of January.  I'm really slow and can't lift very much so I just do what my body allows.   My body tells me when enough is enough. I have had some help which is very good.  I could use more help but pride keeps me from asking.   Sounds like an alcoholic.

On October 4th I finally reached my 8 year AA birthday.   I'm still very young...

Thursday, August 01, 2013

Good to see you...

Almost three years since my last post!  I must be resting on my laurals. Hope I spelled that right.  No, I didn't relapse.  Still not drinking, just neglecting my blog.  I will be fixing some broken links and uploading some more graphics.  I still attend one AA meeting a week and see my sponsor/AA friend weekly as well.  Since my last post, I think I've had two more back surgeries.  Those are fun.  I have to deal with the chronic pain thing, and the stigma that goes with it.  My depression issue is alive and well.  These things are much easier to manage without alcohol however.  Anyway, as always, I'm starting my day with two hours of quiet time and a pot of coffee.  This isn't easy to do using a smartphone!  I will use my computer most of the time.  That keyboard is larger than my phone.  This one finger typing is sort of a bitch.  Ok, got to take on the day!  Bye for now, AB.

Thursday, December 09, 2010

Passion and balance...

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Last week a friend in AA and I went Walleye fishing and caught our limits over the three days we spent in his cabin on the lake. This is a 10 pound fish. The smallest fish I saw caught was 5.5 pounds. Walleye is great eating. It was cold, but we had a blast! This would have never happened if I were drinking. I am grateful to be sober and working on balance in my life. Fishing is something I'm passionate about! Hope you all have a sober December! Love, AB.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Gratitude Month...

In AA November is known as Gratitude Month. Ok I'm grateful I'm still sober and celebrated 5 years sober last October. Also in October I had my 5th back surgery. I am grateful I have medical insurance to cover all my issues. I wish I could say that life is 99% beautiful and wonderful for me but it's not. I'm still trying to learn how to roll with the punches of life and my tendency to implement my will rather than God's will. I will concede that I am getting better at that. Progress is good and I will never achieve perfection. I live in the same place with the same lady who now has two years plus, sober. Drama for the most part has vanished. I hope that you all enjoy this Thanksgiving day, and take the time to count your "gratitude's." Until next time America! And remember if you give AA a try to quit drinking, you just might never, ever, feel the need drink again. AB.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

The New Year

I am really slacking as far as keeping this blog up to date. I managed to make it through the holidays without too much damage. The household managed to stay sober. We had a Christmas with a tree, decorations, lights inside the house and out. There were a lot of presents under the tree. My first year sober, I didn't do Christmas. Instead I went to the Alano Club and ate Christmas dinner with other alcoholics. This year, I managed to stop by the Club and say hi to all and celebrate the holiday at home with those I love. By far it was the best holiday since getting clean and sober. Recovery for me isn't easy as I have conflicts going on that I am trying to accept and adjust to. Selfishness, and self-centeredness is not easy for me to overcome. Having to place the needs of others as more important than some of my own isn't easy. As the Big Book of AA says on page 62, "Selfishness--self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt. So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making."

I am in the process of putting the needs of others first, in this situation. This means I have to lean on my Higher Power for help. I will get my needs met if I can stick with absolute reliance on my God.

I believe I read that somewhere...I hope you all had a sober and safe holiday. I wish you all a wonderful new year to come. AB.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Gratitude month...

November is gratitude month. At 4 plus years sober, I'm feeling a very real gratitude at times. I spoke with the lady I live with last night and was in tears telling her how grateful I was to be considered family by her and her daughter. I have a handful of real friends in AA too. Real friends. I didn't have any of those when I was drinking...Well, maybe one or two. They usually wanted sex or money or both. Some just wanted to drink my booze so they wouldn't have to buy it or they were broke...I am truly grateful that LP and SP love me as well as my real friends. Today I am free from the bondage of self. Today I give, instead of take. My God loves me and wants me sober so I can spread His good news.

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