Alcoholic Brain

Hi and thanks for visiting. I have an alcoholic brain. I will try to post comments daily about how this alcoholic brain functions.
Sober date: October 4th, 2005.

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Location: West Coast, United States

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Whoa!

I have to clarify some things in the previous post. The past couple of days I have been an absolute ass. I am not single. I am in a relationship with someone I love. My sponsor pointed out some things to me today that I could not see, and for that I am grateful. Just a week and one day ago, I was near dead under general anesthesia. My thinking and behavior have been deeply affected by that, and I have been running on fear that isn't close to the reality of things. It's easier for someone outside looking in to see what is happening in another's life. If you are in it like me, it's hard to see almost all of the time. I owe a huge amends to that person in my life that I love. I have said some hurtful things, and I need to own up to that. There has to be some room for both of us to grow, and I will make that room. I have too. At least two lives count on it. Laugh often and Pray hard. It make for an easier roller coaster ride.

9 Comments:

Blogger butterflygirl said...

keep on praying

6:23 PM  
Blogger lash505 said...

It always seems like a pain in the ass but I aways feel better..

10:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are perhaps not in reality. Question your motives in relationships, they are usually not as pure as you think on either side. It all sounds good though. Good luck, I will pray for you.

8:06 PM  
Blogger Alcoholic Brain said...

I may very well be far from reality. But I'm trying to get there. Ain't easy huh...Thanks for th critique. It does help.

9:43 AM  
Blogger Gwen said...

Sounds like your walking the walk :)

Happy Friday Brain ~

1:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's amazing how drugs can mess up an alcoholic's mind!

Glad to see that you are not single.

I wish you a speedy recovery.

Thanks for the kind words on my blog.

Sober @ Sundown

5:59 PM  
Blogger MICKY said...

DIARY OF A PSYCHOPATH
The Other Women
by A. Orange
Bill Wilson taught that he was "powerless" over every urge or craving he ever had, no matter whether it was a thirst for alcohol, cravings for cigarettes, greed for money, the desire for self-aggrandizement, the temptation to lie, or the urge to cheat on his wife Lois by having sex with all of the pretty young women who came to the meetings. That's an interesting excuse for cheating on your wife, one of the more novel ones, but it doesn't wash. Notice how such an "Admission of Powerlessness" is really just a veiled excuse to continue such behavior: "I can't quit jumping on all of the pretty young women at the meetings, because I'm powerless over my sexual urges. So I guess I'm doomed; I'll just have to keep on enjoying all of the cute young babes because I don't have any control over the situation..." Bill Wilson was habitually unfaithful to the wife who was supporting him, both before and after sobriety. Bill was such an outrageous philanderer that the other elder A.A. members had to form a "Founder's Watch Committee", whose job it was to follow Bill Wilson around, and watch him, and break up budding sexual relationships with the pretty young things before he publicly embarrassed A.A. yet again. The impression that he was a ladies' man seems to have come from the way he sometimes behaved at AA gatherings. When Bill wasn't accompanied by Lois (or later, Helen), he could often be observed engaged in animated conversation with an attractive young newcomer. His interest in younger women seemed to grow more intense with age. Barry Leach, who knew Bill nearly thirty years, told me that in the 1960s he and other friends of Bill's formed what they came to refer to as the "Founder's Watch" committee. People were delegated to keep track of Bill during the socializing that usually accompanies AA functions. When they observed a certain gleam in his eye, they would tactfully steer Bill off in one direction and the dewy-eyed newcomer in another.Bill W., A Biography of Alcoholics Anonymous Co-Founder Bill Wilson, Francis Hartigan, 2000, page 192.
Susan Cheever reported the same thing in her biography of Bill Wilson, although she tried hard to downplay its importance, using standard stereotypical alcoholic Minimization and Denial to claim that it didn't matter much and wasn't any big deal: Many people in A.A. worried that Bill Wilson's sexual behavior would be discovered and reflect badly on the movement. Whether or not they were necessary, self-appointed "Bill watchers" usually stayed close to him at meetings and conferences to prevent him from interacting with attractive newcomers in a way that might appear unseemly. My Name Is Bill; Bill Wilson -- His Life And The Creation Of Alcoholics Anonymous, Susan Cheever, page 225.
What kind of a healer or leader is that? You have to follow him around and watch him, to prevent him from sexually exploiting the newcomers?
Also notice how Susan Cheever totally ignored and avoided the important issue of the harm done to the women alcoholics who got used by Bill for his sex games and self-aggrandizement. Susan Cheever wouldn't touch that issue; she only wrote about how some silly worry-warts unnecessarily fretted over Bill's behavior, worrying that it might "reflect badly on the movement", and "might appear unseemly". Susan Cheever writes as if the women in recovery didn't matter and didn't have any feelings worth worrying about, and their recovery, their health, and their continued sobriety was of no consequence, not even worth mentioning. The women whom Bill Wilson used and exploited were treated like irrelevant objects both in Bill's sex games and in Susan Cheever's mind.
Bill Wilson just didn't want to be bothered with the hard work of resisting temptation. Like so many other phony gurus, he lived a life of hypocritical irresolute self-indulgence, preaching "spirituality", "absolute purity", "rigorous honesty", and self-sacrifice to others while indulging in all of the pleasures of the flesh himself -- with the sole exception that he does appear to have finally quit drinking alcohol after it nearly killed him.
So just how was Bill's behavior an example of a life "lived on a spiritual basis"? Besides the fact that he hypocritically yammered the words "God" and "working selflessly" all of the time, and held séances and played with Ouija boards, just what was "spiritual" about William G. Wilson?
(HINT: "spiritual" and "superstitious" are not synonyms.)
The death angel is lurking at this very hour for a lost soul who has never heard the Gospel of Jesus Christ. He celebrates with every swing of his cold sickle; to him, hurling a lost man, woman, or teenager into the horrific abyss of the damned is festivity! He grins as he reads the morning newspaper obituary column. He sighs in relief, knowing that one more didn't escape the sharpness of his blade.
"But if our gospel be hid, it is hid to them that are lost; in whom the god of this world hath blinded the minds of them which believe not, lest the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them." (2 Cor 4: 3 – 4)
PEACE BE WITH YOU
MICKY

12:32 PM  
Blogger Meg Moran said...

hi AB, just popping in to send love! You could never be an ass in my book

12:35 PM  
Blogger Trudging said...

Laugh often and pray hard...you have said it all my friend.

Boy those anti A.A. people are popping up all over.

8:30 AM  

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