With me, or against me?

Sounds like the president. On paper 30 minutes ago, my post was full of pearls of wisdom. After reading it, I threw it into the trash. It reminded me that I know too much about alcoholism and addiction. Knowledge can be a dangerous thing. It hasn't kept me sober. My alcoholism is just a symptom of the real problem. Me. I don't know very much about me. I see myself as suffering from a sickness of the soul. With that, I believe only a spiritual conversion of sorts can change me. Without it, I will, in all probability, die drunk. My current medical problems have caused an increase in physical pain, and that results in isolation. I don't feel good enough to go anywhere...Most of the time. The good thing about this, is that I am left with facing myself. I am forced to journal, work on my fourth step, and read all the AA books I have here. That's the good thing about all of this. Despite that fact that I have lived a life full of fear, resentment, blaming, lying, cheating and using others, I think I'm an ok guy. This past week has been an emotional rollercoaster, as I am in a relationship with a recovering alcoholic. I only lost my temper once. That's where Step 10 comes in. I had to work it. With all this being said, maybe somebody will call or come over to visit. It's nice when somebody calls just to say "hi." That's rare. I had one of those calls just last week. That was nice. I have users in my life, and they know who they are. I did manage to make it to the Alano Club this week. I saw and heard all the complaining and self-pity stuff I needed to hear for the day. I did mention to someone there in conversation that an x-ray revealed bone cancer in my leg. The response: "The fucking mail is so slow. I haven't gotten my check yet."
Self-centeredness is the root of the alcoholic problem.