My Brain in action...

Went to an AA meeting Friday night. I had been asked to be the chairperson. This is a meeting where we study a chapter of the basic text of Alcoholics Anonymous. The meeting members read a paragraph or two then pass to the next person to read. After the reading is completed of the chapter, the meeting opens up for discussion of the topic. This meeting has been operating that way for years.
My Alcoholic Brain likes this type of meeting. When not reading from the book, I'm free to think about anything I want. Mostly non-AA stuff. But this meeting was different for me. I did focus on what was being read. I had picked a large complicated chapter to read, and it was getting boring covering so much information. I found myself getting frustrated. After about twenty minutes into the reading, an oldtimer with about 100 years of sobriety, jumped in and complained that maybe this was too much information at once. I know this guy, and he has a tendency to lecture. I began to resent him, and his control issues. I let him take over the meeting as I sat and simmered a while. I realized that he did what I wanted to do, and that was to get the meeting going in a simple direction, but I didn't do that. I wasn't resentful toward him. The truth is I was resentful toward myself for not stepping up to the plate and making the change myself. That's how my Alcoholic Brain works. It knows if I hold onto a resentment long enough, I will drink. Remember, my Alcoholic Brain wants me dead. It continues to try and kill me. I let go of this resentment before the meeting was over...I still have episodes of sudden spiritual illness...