Alcoholic Brain

Hi and thanks for visiting. I have an alcoholic brain. I will try to post comments daily about how this alcoholic brain functions.
Sober date: October 4th, 2005.

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Location: West Coast, United States

Friday, February 18, 2005

Trusting the alcoholic brain...

Sometimes AA confuses me. What I mean is, some of the things that some AA's say. Recently I was listening to a sober alcoholic telling his story about how he "lost" his spouse and job, due to his drinking. He even had his drivers license revoked due to drinking. Another member said, "Yow didn't lose those things, you "traded" them for booze." Should the same be said for the dying cancer patient? The one suffering from HIV/AIDS? Sometime people find jobs, spouses, homes, money, and other things disappearing as their disease progresses. Sometimes I think people in AA just say things to make themselves look smarter than the other alcoholic. To make themselves look pretty. I don't believe for a nanosecond that an alcoholic willingly "trades" these things while in the grip of the disease of alcoholism. To say that an alcoholic "trades" people, places and things while drinking, is to indicate that the drinking alcoholic has the luxury to choose. That's ignorant. An alcoholic that is drinking has not the ability to choose. They drink because they cannot, not drink. They find it impossible to function normally without alcohol, even though this is beyond reason. The drinking alcoholic cannot see. Take alcohol away from an alcoholic and see how well they function for a while. What I find awesome in AA, is that the people in AA who want to appear smarter, and or prettier than another drunk, is just a reflection of how altered and damaged my brain really is. I need "smart" and "pretty" alcoholics because they keep me reminded of how really ill my mind has become. Alcoholics have physical brain damage. It's only a matter of degree. I know my alcoholic brain is damaged. I can recall vividly my first AA meeting in 1978. I can't recall very well what I saw or heard in an AA meeting just last week. That's brain damage. So can I really trust my damaged brain? Perhaps not. I do know this...If I hangout with AA members every day, my chances of drinking will be greatly reduced. So you pick. Should I just trust my own alcoholic brain, or trust a group of alcoholic brains? DOH!

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