Two dudes...

I met with my AA "sponsors" yesterday for coffee and a chat. AA's have a thing about coffee; that's a good thing. I admire both these men. I shall refer to them as Bill and Bob. This blog is anonymous! Bob doesn't talk a lot. Bill can't keep quiet. Yet, they both have what I want out of a sober life. One has a powerful spiritual base, the other has a keen ability to help other drunks like myself. Bill knows the 12 Steps and how to work them, and has a unique, God given ability to guide newcomers through these Steps. Bob is smooth. Doesn't seem to have a worry in the world. I would swear that he has found an LSD that lasts a lifetime. A very mellow acid. Not like the acid that I used to take that would make me climb trees chasing mad clowns. I have yet to find the type of "acid" Bob has found...Maybe someday I will. Bill, on the other hand, is almost a fanatic about AA, and working with other drunks. He talks about sex a lot. I enjoy that. It isn't the barroom dirty talk about sex, but about the instinct for sex can override our other basic instincts, and knock us out of that necessary balance of instincts. That's me. I appointed myself as the only male that could successfully repopulate the planet, if a disaster were to happen. I desire to be as honest and caring as Bill, and as spiritual as Bob. During our coffee clutch conversation, I did have extreme difficulty comprehending what these two dudes were saying. At times it seemed to be a different language, that I could not understand. My character defects are still blowing their party favors in my Alcoholic Brain. I do recall Bill saying I have a week and a half to complete my written Fourth Step. Since my emotions are so raw, and I have been forced into being honest by an unknown external force, I have wrecked some "happy face" AA meetings. Sometimes, I just cannot comprehend how anybody with 30, 60 or 90 days off of alcohol, and Lord knows what other drugs, can be so "happy, joyous and free." Then there's that "I'm so grateful" bullshit I hear from newcomers...Makes me wanna puke...Ok, I'm done.