Alcoholic Brain

Hi and thanks for visiting. I have an alcoholic brain. I will try to post comments daily about how this alcoholic brain functions.
Sober date: October 4th, 2005.

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Location: West Coast, United States

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

I'm not that bad yet...

Went to a great meeting tonight. I actually shared my "drunk-a-log." It's quite graphic, and I do not sugar coat it. I simply tell the truth about my drinking. I know that my alcoholism took me to places that a lot of alcoholics dare to tread. When I would lose control of my drinking, I would drink 24/7, just to avoid withdrawal symptoms. As with many illnesses, denial is a common symptom. Having been a medical professional, I would often see this in people with cardiovascular disease, and during a heart attack, they would say "I think it's something I ate." I have heard this line just before a total cardiac arrest. Killer food. My drinking took me to a place I refer to as "Skid Road." When one thinks of skid road, what do they see? Homeless winos, bums, tramps and other social misfits that are alcoholic. Some newcomers to the 12 Step program of AA define Alcoholism as such. Although they may introduce themselves as "alcoholic" the killer is that the secrete self talk is "I'm not as bad off as these people, they're really alcoholics!" Skid Road is an awful place to be, that's for certain. Many people forced into AA because of the courts often view AA this way. But they will come into AA meetings and say the things they think we want to hear, to remain in compliance with their court order to attend AA. Of course not all people court ordered to AA think this way. But many do. Even those not court ordered to AA will often think that way. "I'm not that bad yet." Denial is a natural defense mechanism utilized when faced with a crisis such as the alcoholic. I know this to be true, because I used to think that way. The result of that thinking is easy to predict. They will return to drinking. I will tell you exactly where my skid road is. It is between my ears. My alcoholic Brain. My brain is like a bad neighborhood...I should never go there alone. I have done sad sickly things using my alcoholic brain. If you are a newcomer to AA, please remember this. A head full of AA and a belly full of alcohol does not mix well. AA will ruin your drinking forever. If you continue to drink, the "I'm not that bad yet" will become your reality. That's a promise. Your "yet" will happen. I know this to be true. I did it. I pray that you don't have to enter into your own "yet." You might not be as lucky as I am. I made it back alive. Most do not...If you are in AA, it is critical that you squelch any reservations about drinking. By trying these simple steps in AA, you just might find yourself an inner peace you have never known or felt before. That is a promise. We have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Don't give up...Ever!!

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