Alcoholic Brain

Hi and thanks for visiting. I have an alcoholic brain. I will try to post comments daily about how this alcoholic brain functions.
Sober date: October 4th, 2005.

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Location: West Coast, United States

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Just a geek...

Sometimes I feel just a geek in the worst way. I feel lonely, but I know I'm not alone. I have a Higher Power I call God, yet life can be strange for a guy who basically is used to being in a relationship, even if they are unhealthy. I'm a good Alanon too it looks like. When I went to college to study alcoholism and addiction, one of the requirements of the two-year program was to attend one open AA meeting a week as well as one open Alanon meeting a week. These had to be monitored. I sometimes felt like I was court ordered to go, by having the chairperson sign my slip saying I had attended.

God knows I have been in my share of unhealthy relationships. It's odd for me to be doing the single thing, and I'm not trying to get into a relationship either. I have heard it said there is a "slip" under every skirt. I have a female friend who is in a relationship, and I got an email recently asking if I was bored, to give her a call Sunday. So I did. Her husband/mate answered the phone. She was cool and might call back if she needs a ride to the meeting tonight. But as soon as he answered, I felt as if I had stepped in something. This is a red flag for me. I have to ask myself why I felt that way? I already know. I don't want her partner to get the wrong idea, and cause a problem on her end. I would like to say I'm confused, but I've always said that by coping out by saying one is "confused" is just a slippery way of ducking a feeling/thought you already know the facts about. This gives me pause to ponder about my motives. I don't like it, but I have to examine these things. Am I looking at the "looping resentment behavior?" Probably so.
I have to pray about this one, and write about it on paper. Honesty being single has it's advantages, but I have to find out what they are. Hope you all are having a pleasant Sunday.


Blogger Trudging said...

Motives are huge for me. I really need to be honest or things get all screwed up.

8:14 PM  
Blogger Greg said...

GMR, Positives of being single! you make a list I'll make a list and we can compare them! I find their are many reason why I like to be single. #1 wemon...most...are psyco! and being single I dont have to put up with their silly games!!! hagd yfg

5:43 AM  
Blogger Christine said...

"by saying one is "confused" is just a slippery way of ducking a feeling/thought you already know the facts about. This gives me pause to ponder about my motives. I don't like it, but I have to examine these things. Am I looking at the "looping resentment behavior?" Probably so."

Thank you
My sponsor calls me a noodle--I assume its because I am so slippery.

6:50 AM  
Blogger Gwen said...

Men with the men and women with the women. That keeps it simple for me. Oh I chat with men after or before a meeting. I do not have any men that would call my home and ask for me. It would make me feel uncomfortable. I KNOW John would not care for it. Maybe that is silly. It just keeps it real clear and healthy. If a man were to call about a commitment or group concern that would be different. I guess situations depend on circumstances. When I was single if I called a guys place and a girl answered I would not want to be involved with that person. Just don't even want to play on those tracks. Too messy. Not usually worth it and there are enough people around to make friends with that it just was not necessary. For Me.

Hope this was not yucky to read ~ that is most def not the intent. Just my ESH.

Hang in ~ I often feel like a geek too. You are really not alone.


8:29 AM  
Anonymous Mark W. said...

Hey Brain,

I love it! "adult language and psychiatric nudity." I hadn't seen that before.

Man, I was married for 22 yrs. Divorced and sober and alone for eight plus. I found out about falling in lust as opposed to falling in love. I found out I had no clue about falling in love. No clue about real love. And I had never been in a healthy relationship my entire life.

There were also times I thought - "please, don't misunderstand and think I want you!" Or - Don't think I want your partner! Don't go there, because she's the last one on my mind!

Tried the "friend" thing. You know, be friends first and if "it's" meant to be, "it" will follow. Well, "it" never followed. Ever. Lots and lots and bunches of pain there!

A wonderful lady oldtimer in NJ told me something (that angered me) back in '97. She said "it" wouldn't happen until I stopped looking. I told her I wasn't looking! I just saw and fell. Um Hmmm...

In 2002 my HS girl friend and I were reunited through a series of completely non-coincidences (I believed she was dead BTW). Dude, HS was a very, very long time ago! And we had been parted involuntarily.

I had stopped looking...

7:35 AM  
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