Alcoholic Brain

Hi and thanks for visiting. I have an alcoholic brain. I will try to post comments daily about how this alcoholic brain functions.
Sober date: October 4th, 2005.

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Location: West Coast, United States

Sunday, July 16, 2006

My rollercoaster...

For the past 48 hours, my brain has been all over the place. I touched my fourth step awhile Saturday evening, and looked at some of my defects. Two people recently said to me, well, a fourth step isn't just looking at your liabilities, you can see your assets too. Well, I don't see any assets. I went back and read The Fourth Step in the 12x12 again, and I still see no mention of doing anything with assets.
I'm an emotional train wreck. It's 3:30 in the morning and I'm wide awake, but I pooped out about 7pm though too. I know a lot of what I am feeling has to do with chemicals and hormones. Seems to me I have been on Zoloft for 15 years, and I'm heading into week three without taking any. I was late on a hormone injection, but I'll get that Tuesday. Thank God! Some may be thinking why I'm not taking the Zoloft. I feel like I'm already on too much antidepressants medication. I want to get to know who I really am, and I want to get the meds down to a minimum. I think those medicines block feelings I need to feel, it order to get "weller." By volunteering at the Club tonight, I hope maybe the activity will do me some good. Sarcasm is rubbing me raw lately. It is just another form of anger. I find myself getting pissed at sick people and their remarks and I don't like it. I feel like grabbing their head and running it into a wall, then on their way down, help them up with a knee lift! Know what I mean? To be an alcoholic sometimes can really suck. Like right now. But I know things will get better as long as I don't drink. My program has to get that simple right now, Just don't drink. I can ill afford to pour gas on a fire. I don't even know if any of this makes any sense, but after writing it I feel a little better. "Keep it simple Billy, and don't drink no matter what." (DR Bob to Bill W.)


Blogger Sober @ Sundown said...

Hi Brain,

Hang in there. Sometimes our innards wreck havoc on our lives, and then all of a sudden, things feel a little better. It sounds like you are just detoxing.

8:14 PM  
Blogger Christine said...

it mentions assets on pg 46 in the 12x12

thanks for visiting my blog and saying nice things to me

and I appreciate the challenge on yours that I think

6:04 AM  
Blogger Sharon said...

Your 4th step isn't just about resentments, or your character defects. It's about why, & when you understand that, you get to know your assets. You have to go through the dark to get to the light. Without pain, without failures,we don't have spirituality. That's part of what it is. We grow spiritually from our pain, our failures,& we step into the light. It is so worth it. You will come out on the other side Roy. Keep on truckin'. Or should I say 'steppin'

5:39 PM  

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