I am an email junkie...

A recent email to a good friend. I changed it a bit to protect the guy.

Dear Bla Blabla,

In my eyes you have been kind to me. I know and understand your reactions, and thoughts, are part of your alcoholism and addiction. I never have been able sustain anger or resentment for very long. Keep writing. You, as I see, will find good things happening, as it did to me Thursday evening, a discovery in mid-sentence, God drove me to my knees. That's all I can say about that. Often times, while holding the hands of a dying person in the back of the ambulance, last words were about lost relationships, and about never forgiving family and friends, lovers and the like.


I want to die peacefully, with no regrets. It's an ugly way to die. I will continue to take risks in relationships, as I still believe in matrimony, and the steadfast loyalty in giving. This will happen when my HP believes I am ready. I still believe in acceptance of people for who they are, and aspire to be. Without these things and beliefs, I would be spiritually dead. This may not work for anybody else, but it is how it works in me. The big book says we mustn't judge others, but only pray for them. We must avoid instinctual collisions. Those are for the normal person. We as alcoholics cannot afford these things, we have to accept, otherwise our spirit is off balance. Sort of a pg 449 thing I guess. We all have defects in our character. It is not our job to point to the defects in others. We can only pray they keep coming back and do these principles that have been laid before us in the big book of AA. Sheesh! I just wrote a book! I am still off my antidepressants . But I don't feel to bad. I still take two others though. I'm calling Doc Tictacdoe tomorrow and "axe" his opinion. Behave. Why behave? Because it a good thing to do. You are on a beautiful path. Stay on it. Hugs, Alcoholic Brain