Alcoholic Brain

Hi and thanks for visiting. I have an alcoholic brain. I will try to post comments daily about how this alcoholic brain functions.
Sober date: October 4th, 2005.

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Location: West Coast, United States

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Titillating Tuesday...

Better day today. Met with my sponsor as usual every Tuesday. I'm not raging with anger today, I just have it on low-simmer. This anger I'm feeling is a result of my unmet expectations of other people. I expect that when people say they are going to do something, they will do it. Not so true. I recall what my dad said once, rather more than once, "If ya want something done right, do it yourself!" So that's what I will do. I am not much of a mechanic, but I think I can swing fixing a brake. I'll have to get a book, and I already have the last part I need to get back up and running with my alcoholic/junkie car. I pray to finish the job Wednesday. My ego hates being without wheels. My pride stops me from asking for rides. I didn't seem to have a problem asking people to help with fixing it however. What's up with that? Shit I don't know. I know a lot of my crappy attitude is that I'm two weeks off Zoloft without telling my doctor. I haven't called him like I said I would. But since I have so many feelings coming up, my sponsor and I agreed to see how things are in two more weeks without taking it. I also missed my testosterone shot as well. I had to reschedule that for the 18th. I feel good about 48 hours after a 400mg injection of the stuff. It keeps me up for about a month, if you'll pardon the expression. It helps lift my mood. I'll reword that. I have some stuff to read, like the Daily Reflections, and the 12x12. I'll get to one of them this evening. Recovery sure can suck sometime. But when I look at what was going on when I was drinking or shooting dope, WOW. I think I'm in a good space and very lucky to be alive. Sometimes, I wish we didn't have cars at all. I'd be happy with a horse and buggy, or a coach with smoked windows, so nobody can see inside. Oh shit then I'd have to hire a driver. Forget that. I know that down in my heart somewhere I'm grateful to be clean and sober today. It's folks like yourself that help keep me that way. Till midnight...

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