Part two, of Step One...

Step One of AA reads, "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, and that our lives had become unmanageable." I was almost done with writing my Fourth Step about two weeks ago. My girlfriend almost three months ago asked me to move in with her, so I did. She said she loved me. She mentioned it a lot everyday. After about two weeks of living together, she asks me to marry her. I respectfully declined, and after discussing the reasons why we shouldn't get married as soon as possible, she said I was really a smart man. She later went on to talk about having moral conflicts about living in sin. About two weeks ago, she didn't come home. She was staying at another guys place. This past Thursday, the rumor is that they got married. In no way do I blame this woman, nor harbor any resentments toward her. Like myself, we both have our demons we have to deal with. Now, I am forced to face mine again, which is a good thing. So, here I am, in an apartment I cannot afford to rent. I collect a disability because my back is injured again. I may be looking at my third back surgery. Today, I packed my stuff, hurt my back, so I am done for the day. My sponsor knows a guy with a truck, and maybe some extra muscles can be located. I have had no luck in finding anyone to help me move my belongings to storage unit I rented yesterday. When I can get my things into my storage unit, then I can move. I will be staying in a homeless shelter for men. I have never been homeless before. This moment of clarity has is a real lesson in humility. The good news is, that my tests for bone cancer came back negative. I sincerely wish the newlyweds well. I like them both very much.

"Selfishness, self-centeredness! That we think is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt"  from the Big Book of AA.