Alcoholic Brain

Hi and thanks for visiting. I have an alcoholic brain. I will try to post comments daily about how this alcoholic brain functions.
Sober date: October 4th, 2005.

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Location: West Coast, United States

Thursday, April 21, 2005

My Alcoholic car...The Shapeshifter...

     Someone once told me, "This ain't no time for pride...."

I recall completing a very well known inpatient 21 day spin dry, for the treatment of alcoholism. The treatment consisted of education, group therapy and individual counseling. They also introduced you to Steps one through five of the 12 Step program. We had to do a written first step, and share it in group, to show powerlessness over alcohol. My counselor also gave me extra homework. I had to write a daily journal, and slide it under his office door in the morning before he arrive to work. He made me re-write my first step four times, because of all the BS I had in it. He finally accepted it on my fifth attempt, then I had to read it to the group. I smiled my way through treatment. People there would say, "what a nice guy he is..." I was honest in treatment. I simply "withheld information."

With this being said, the prognosis was predictable. At eight months "sober" I entered into an instant meaningful relationship, and got drunk. When I got out of treatment, I recall my car was goodlooking too...As I continued my spree, I noticed my car began to change. The driver side window was shattered. The hood had disappeared, and it was having overheating problems. I had to carry around two milk jugs full of water, as I had to constantly put water in it. One day while in town, with my car overheating, an old friend approached me that I had not seen in a long time. They got within twenty feet of me, stopped, and started crying. They said, "you gotta stop drinking!" Then turned away. I said "What?"

The longer I drank the worse my car appeared. It was now an ugly car. It had a mind of it's own. It would change as I drove. It created a habit of "turning into bars." Then I got a good look at myself at home as I peered into the mirror. I looked like my car. I had grown a full beard, shoulder length greasy hair, with the associated nasal hair. I didn't understand what was going on. I mean, I was bathing at least once a month.

I entered treatment with my secrets, and I left treatment with them.

After I saw myself in the mirror, I called AA. Thank God I did...


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