Alcoholic Brain

Hi and thanks for visiting. I have an alcoholic brain. I will try to post comments daily about how this alcoholic brain functions.
Sober date: October 4th, 2005.

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Location: West Coast, United States

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Junkie!!

Sounds like a great name for a heavy metal band. I have been in many relationships for the past fifteen years. My latest relationship ended recently, much the same as all the others. Last night I spoke with my sponsor on the phone for about an hour, then we met today for a one to one. We had about a two hour chat. I came to realize that I am not just an alcoholic, but a love junkie as well. I was divorced 15 years ago from a lady I truly loved. It was euphoric. Ever since then, I have been trying to recapture that feeling. I am currently in the process of writing my fourth step, and this realization couldn't have come at a better time. I can incorporate all this relationship stuff right into it. It has also been my fears that drive me into relationships. Ideas of not having a woman in my life brings on fears of low self-esteem, emotional insecurity, blunted pride and so on. Relationships for me were nothing more than a drug, with it's associated behavior. I now have to face this reality, and it's through only a change in my behavior, will it become a habit. Until then, all I know what to do is keep my pants on. Like to the new comer in AA, just keep the plug in the jug...Pardon the expression...

1 Comments:

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