Control
What I have seen a lot of lately are people in relationships that are more of a trap, than the real deal. There is a lot of truth in the saying that "alcoholics don't get into relationships. They take hostages." My own world asks me who am I to set conditions and expectations on another human? Who am I to tell another what to do and what not to do? Who am I to say "I love you, but..." Who am I to have this much power and control over another human? EGO runs rampant in alcoholism and it is very self-centered to believe that one person can control, manipulate, set conditions and expectations on another.
I am sure it says in the Big Book of AA that we must treat each other with love and tolerance. Today I pray that we all can give up control in order to gain control. God bless and thanks for another 24 hours...
I am sure it says in the Big Book of AA that we must treat each other with love and tolerance. Today I pray that we all can give up control in order to gain control. God bless and thanks for another 24 hours...
posted by Alcoholic Brain | 12:42 PM
11 Comments:
sometimes a relationship can be like putting miracle grow on your character defects....we have to be very careful don't we? But when they are good, they can be very very good...ah, such a dilema.
Hi Brain,
I like meg's comment about miracle grow....
I like Meg's comment about when it's good, it's really good, ah what a dilema....so very true.
i read in a book from tess gerritsen, 'call after midnight', the following:
"am i falling in love with you? or am i just talking myself into it because i need you so much?".
ain't that what we do most of the time?!?!?!?
Sometimes we have to let go for the sake of our sobriety, & well being, it's as simple as that. Who knows, you might be helping the other person.
ahhh, control---my disease
for me today love and control have nothing to do with one another
I hope that all is well!
Unfortunately it is not always so black and white. Even relationships with friends can get messy. That is when we start to move into the alanon and coda stuff. We have to be able to set boundaries for our selves so we do not get dumped upon as well as not dumping upon others. To much to be able to sum up in a post.
Hope all is well in your world. Hope to get around to visit more.
Have a wonderful week,
Gwen~
Thanks for sharing, hope you are well :)
Our disease is cunning, baffling, powerful. Our disease tells us things, to get it's own way. Sometimes control isn't control, it's setting healthy boundaries for ourselves, & we have to say no. Otherwise our disease is getting it's way.
Hi,
All above is true. However, how are we to differentiate in our owm minds what is right and what is wrong in a relationship? All we have to fall back on are our own morals, whether we may have maladaptive personalities or not. I think sometimes it may be about trying to achieve a balance. And sometimes you must push your own way with a spouse to attempt to achieve this balance. Although, as you say, it is difficult to tell whether you are lying to yourself or not. Baffling, cunning powerful indeed, never truer words were spoken about this disease.
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