Chasing the high...
There was a time when I had long term, quality sobriety. I had a sudden spiritual awakening. I was sincerely happy. The past several years, I have been trying to recapture the feelings I had during that time. My alcoholic nature wants to have it all back right now!
In order for me to recapture those feelings of the past, I must do the same thing again. It's totally irrational for me to expect to be where I once was. I must realize how lucky I am to have made it back to AA at all. Most who relapse don't make it back. My pride gets in my way at times, and takes me away from this moment in time. It takes me out of today. If I keep doing what I have to do, maybe some day, I'll be there again. My job today is to stay sober and help others. The answer is so simple. Oh, Gwen, thanks for the invite to HNT.
I better read page 417 pf the Big Book. Thanks for another 24...hang in my friends.
In order for me to recapture those feelings of the past, I must do the same thing again. It's totally irrational for me to expect to be where I once was. I must realize how lucky I am to have made it back to AA at all. Most who relapse don't make it back. My pride gets in my way at times, and takes me away from this moment in time. It takes me out of today. If I keep doing what I have to do, maybe some day, I'll be there again. My job today is to stay sober and help others. The answer is so simple. Oh, Gwen, thanks for the invite to HNT.
I better read page 417 pf the Big Book. Thanks for another 24...hang in my friends.
posted by Alcoholic Brain | 2:41 PM
13 Comments:
Good. You know what to do.
Welcome to HNT. Can't wait to see some pictures form you.
You do your job well...you've helped me.
oh I'm such a firm believer in "one day at a time"...I thik that attitude can get you through anything!!
Yep, "one day at a time"
Darn alcoholic nature! Tell is to go away. If only.
It all falls back to action. :)
I agree with the comments, one day at a time. That is all we can do....
I hope this one day was a good one!
Thats all we have and it is today.
It is hard to give up that pride. Pray my friend.
I don't think you will ever have exactly the same sobriety. I know mine is different than it was years ago... and that is good.
I know that feeling of wanting it right now. Agreeing with what MC wrote very much. That darn pride is a killer.
Have a wonderful week Brain!
Gwen
I love drama, high drama and those high highs and low lows. With longer term recovery the highs aren't as high nor the lows as low. But theres something to be said for the calm buzz of everyday life--- well--I can do it some days!! One day at a time as others have said-- its what works
Cancerous Growth
I imagine AA to be a cancerous growth in our society. I'm a recovered alcoholic who has been sober for over 21 years. I've seen this "cult" virtually destroy people where they become these Bill & Bob zombies devoid of any emotion. I imagine most of the Steppers are not dealing with their core issues and become addicted to the "droning Bill & Bob heads" who pop up and expel meaningless diatribe from their mouths. It's the only "disease" one doesn't recover from & one is continually confessing ones non - existent sins, which intensify the guilt and fear when one is not at a meeting (indoctrination session). I imagine the meetings numb and shutdown the critical thinking section of ones brain. I know a guy who has been sober 30 years and I imagine him to be quite mad - he doesn't even know what he's feeling most of the time apart from feeling depressed. I imagine AA to be the road to hell and that it's anti - Christ and the Steppers sell their souls to the "cult" [sAtAn], because they are too terrified to face their “demons” & recover their true selves. That "inner child" who is waiting to be freed is slowly pushed down until it disappears into oblivion. That "child" is God! "Unless you become like little children...." "The kingdom of God is within you!" I hear things like; "I need to do the Steps!" "I need more meetings!" "I had cancer or my wife died or I lost my job!" "But guess what! I didn't pick up a drink." They might as well say; "I fell of my chair but I didn’t pick up a drink”! "Meaningless”! Why? Because one is not expressing ones' feelings! Ones' process is all about feelings! How does one recover if one doesn’t feel ones pain, fear, & shame & understand these feelings, especially if they are overwhelming; are feelings, from ones childhood. All AA does is suppress these feelings until one ends up a semi - depressed zombie like the lunatic who has been sober for 30 years. Can you see how dangerous this "cult" is? A madman, Bill Wilson, started it and if you want to end up like him, keep going to meetings. The sure way to insanity is "Meetings!" "Meetings!" "Meetings!"
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