Alcoholic Brain

Hi and thanks for visiting. I have an alcoholic brain. I will try to post comments daily about how this alcoholic brain functions.
Sober date: October 4th, 2005.

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Location: West Coast, United States

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Sorry, No Vacancy...

Did you hear the one about the old lady that walked into a bar with her pet goose under her arm, and the bartender says, "What are you doing in here with that pig?" She says, "That's a goose young man!" He says, "I was talking to the goose!" I have no room in my head. That's my accurate conclusion. My brain is full of discussion, comments, research, conflict and problem solving, that I don't have enough room to rent to folks who try to lease it from me. No more room at the inn.

Looking at some of my players in my life as an alcoholic, I have discovered a common theme that has been going on since my divorce in 1991. Having been reduced to the basic instincts of the alcoholic malady, I find the drive for the human need for love. By using basic instincts, alcoholics much like myself will consummate a relationship, before the relationship has a chance to be nurtured. The "normal" relationship continuum is that two people meet, and if they like each other, dating is appropriate. Maybe after a few dates, and more time getting to know each other, the relationship might be taken to the next level. The commitment. Then, if things are going well, the decision is made to consummate the relationship, in the ultimate act of love, two flesh becoming one.

My experience has been very different. Most relationships I have had have been done in reverse. First the relationship is consummated. Then, the following morning, introductions are in order. If we decide we like to keep "consummating" we do that. Then we get to know each other, and find we really don't have much in common, and personalities clash, lovemaking turns to oral lovemaking. Like, "Fuck you!" I would venture to bet you have experienced this yourself in your alcoholic/addict life. Don't feel bad, alcoholics and addicts do this all the time. We can do these things drunk, high, even when sober(dry).

It has been good for me to recognize this. This may sound funny, but for those who have read any of Dr Leo Buscaglia's books, will recognize this: I once designed a lecture series on the "Eight Ways To Become a More Loving Human Being." I was once a very dynamic lecturer. That was back in the days of chalkboards. Dry marker boards hadn't been invented yet. I did relationships normal back then.
Having recognized this in myself, I have to go about my business differently. So I will. Currently, I just have my breaks applied.
I prefer the oldfasioned way. Maybe I will meet somebody someday that I will like to be friends with, and do stuff with together. If and when we discover a mutual love for each other then we decide to make a commitment to each other. Then we can screw! LOL...Just kidding.

I still believe in brotherhood of man I still believe in the solid goodness of people. I still believe that love is the most powerful force in the universe. May peace, serenity, and love encompass you. It's best for me to keep my pants on...

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