Alcoholic Brain

Hi and thanks for visiting. I have an alcoholic brain. I will try to post comments daily about how this alcoholic brain functions.
Sober date: October 4th, 2005.

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Location: West Coast, United States

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Getting over me...A bumpy ride hang on!!!

I am having those moments today where I can't seem to get over myself, and I know why. I have been doing my own planning to get off ALL my psych meds. Right now, I called my doctors nurse, and actually was connected to a human in his office, I had to pause, waiting for the "To continue in English, press 1" but it didn't happen. A real nurse answered!! I felt I had better find out where my Wellbutrin prescription was. For the second time in a row, they called in into the wrong pharmacy. So here I wait for a call saying it's ready for pickup at my regular pharmacy. I have been off of them for too long, and I'm being out right nasty. My attitude sux. This better living through chemistry is miserable.Me me me wants to be my own doctor. I I I want to run the show. Seems I spend too much time picking up not only psych meds, but my "normal" kinds of meds to like Lipitor. Almost two years ago my cholesterol was so high, my doc said if it got any higher, I would become a solid. Now my HDL/LDL is within normal limits. Thank God for that. Plus, I try to avoid red meat as much as I can. I try to eat fish and birds. I don't want to, and I'm pissed off this afternoon, but I will drag myself to a meeting and try to put on a "happy face" for everyone. But that will fail. I'm ill today, and at least others need to see me, as an example of an "Alcoholics Gone Wild" video. To carry the messege that you will find yourself a mess like me, if you don't follow your doctors orders and not thinking about God.. I wasn't going to get my Wellbutrin refilled. I 'spose I can see enough of me to realize the mess I'm in and know what to do to get out of it. I just don't want to. "Well, Alcoholic Brain, that's just too damn bad now isn't it you self-centered, self-seeking egotistical know-it-all. Now get your ass to the 6pm meeting then go get your happy pills." Ok AB.


Blogger Sharon said...

When I quoted 'We must be hard on ourselves & easy on others' I didn't mean beat up on ourselves...that's your disease. That's what kept us down for so long. I think what that quote meant is being diligent (honest & thorough) in working the program. What good does it do you or others to put yourself down like that? I read something yesterday about that, & a counselor I had many years ago told me this. "You're not doing yourself or the world any good by acting small, or less than" I've done that for years. That's pride in reverse, so I read in the BB. Hey, maybe the page on acceptance will help get your glasses on right. Lighten up, be grateful you can work on your defects, & turn them around. Be grateful you have a second chance to make things right with God, yourself & your fellows. I'm sorry if I sound preachy, that's one of my defects, I'm working on it. You can start your day over again anytime. Isn't that wonderful? Oh yea, there's a part in the BB that talks about going from one extreme or the other in doing our 4th step. We don't wallow in self pity. Oh, I know that one very well, it's not comforting anymore,& we don't become martys, something like that. I will look it up, I should have before I quoted it. You get the idea tho. Remember, we are spiritual beings having a human experience. This too shall pass. Recovery is peaks & valleys. You are a neat person Roy, you have alot of wonderful qualities.

4:01 PM  
Blogger Mary Christine said...

You are sober and that is the most important thing. Do not forget that. The rest will work itself out.

5:36 PM  

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