Alcoholic Brain

Hi and thanks for visiting. I have an alcoholic brain. I will try to post comments daily about how this alcoholic brain functions.
Sober date: October 4th, 2005.

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Location: West Coast, United States

Monday, October 16, 2006

WTF?

I have been in a strange mood the past few days. I can't really explain it. Physically I have been dealing with a health issue on and off for almost two years it seems. Not many have heard about it, but it's gross. I heard and read about it being the new "Super Bug." It is a staph infection that is resistant to the usual antibiotics. I was told last summer that I was finally free of it, now it is back again. My dermatologist called today and said I have a newer form that is resistant to antibiotics I have taken in the past. For a week I have been using an antibiotic cream on my skin in two spots and I have to use a q-tip and place some in my nose two times a day! Gross huh? Shiat!! One of the spots is right on my beltline, making it hard to wear pants! Kinda like when I was drinking! I didn't keep my pants on much then either! Maybe I'm having dysphoric recall. Not my drug of choice to shove up my nose, this cream. I had some trouble with a roommate a while back and had to evict them. I had good reason. Now I have just one roommate. He was going to meetings and blogging, but I don't see him going to meetings or working a program. Or blogging. This worries me. I care about him a lot. I also pissed-off a lady in recovery a lot recently too. My disease is telling me I can't do much right. If I lose a roommate, I have to find another one, so I have fear going on too.

So, I am trudging along. Sometimes it's one step forward then three steps back. But I must keep putting one foot in front of the other. Back to step three for me. I have been trying to run the show.

I have to get back to making a list of 50 things I have control over. Leaving out what time the cat eats...

I have a strong case of the fuck-its, but no desire or thought of drinking. That's just not like me! That's a good thing...Glad I see my sponsor tomorrow.


The Step Three Prayer from page 63 of the AA Big Book:

Many of us said to our Maker, as we understood Him: "God, I offer myself to Thee--to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!"

2 Comments:

Anonymous Sober Chick said...

My trudging sister that went out recently also is struggling with this. It is the least of her problems but she too has been resistant.

Your trudjing pace is just fine, I see that despite all that is going on you still "have no desire to drink." Keep working it! Thanx for posting the prayer, it is good to read this over and over again.

8:46 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

I just can't think of anything better than not drinking today... Keep trudging that Road... Eventually, you'll get it... cleaning house in the program helps too... Don't make too hard work of it, it'll get you drunk... Thank you for posting the prayer, I haven't read it in a long time... Instead I read My Daily Prayer out of the 12 step prayer book... Keep coming back... Tweety

12:45 PM  

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