Alcoholic Brain

Hi and thanks for visiting. I have an alcoholic brain. I will try to post comments daily about how this alcoholic brain functions.
Sober date: October 4th, 2005.

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Location: West Coast, United States

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Pen 2 paper...

I caught myself today praying out loud while just walking around the house.  While I finally felt whatever it was I felt, I put pen to paper and started my Fourth Step.

My resentment list isn't a mile long.  My flaws are many.  But I have found many assets too.  I am far from finished.  But I have been granted the courage to look in the mirror very deep. I dislike a lot of things about me, but there are a few things I like. I can see that I have been ruled by FEAR. It isn't gone yet either. But I have faith that if I continue to do these things that I have to do, my fear will fade to black. I am grateful for the courage to start this thing. Isn't it odd how we can be powerless over a piece of paper?

I have noticed a pattern with my hormone injections. I get 400mgs a month.  With about a week and a half to go before I have another one, I take an emotional nose dive. I'm waiting for my doc's nurse to call me back about getting shots two weeks apart. Maybe I'll be on a more even keel that way. I could use the patch, but won't. I won't go into how the patch is applied, or where it's applied. Google it if you wanna know. It's gross.

Today I'm grateful for:
My new riend in recovery Meg. Please visit her  here!

  • Having the willingness

  • Believing that a Fourth Step will not kill me

  • My sponsor, who has always been there

  • Shelter, food, wheels

  • The AA meetings here, and the people

  • Monday's Testosterone injection to kick my ass

  • Being able to actually get into and button a pair of my "skinny pants"

  • Responsibility. I am going to vote!

  • My blogger friends who help me more than they might realize

  • The ability to feel fear and face it

  • That a Power Greater than myself has granted me all these things


Blogger Trudging said...

Oh yeah, well my resentment list was two miles long! (-: keep writing you will be glad you did.

3:55 AM  
Blogger Christine said...

oh those skinny pants! Yay!
good to keep taking care of your whole self...

8:54 AM  
Anonymous Sober Chick said...

Right On. I think you re listening to the message sent by you know who. :) Hey thanx for letting us know about Meg. I chatted with her once -- hopefully she won't get scared by us.



8:56 AM  
Blogger Meg Moran said...

Wow! I am humbled..Thanks.Now enough about me ..(Did I really say that?!!)
Re the 4th step, it's the delay between the 3rd & the 4th that allows the fear to consume us. Big Book says after the 3rd "we launch ourselves on a course of vigorous action" mention of a short vacation. LOL So we should go back and say that 3rd step prayer, and then Having JUST placed ourselves in the care of a loving God (or Good)..whats to fear?

12:51 PM  
Blogger Gwen said...

I am so glad you got that pen to paper. What a great step to take. Fear is strong isn't it! Like some giant sized sumo wrestler just sitting on top of you? Yeah boooyee. BruTail.

9:54 AM  

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