Mind racing...

I spent most of the day today at the local AA club, where I did the schmooze with other alcoholics and drug addicts. I also met with my sponsor. He suggested that I go to meetings daily for a while. No, I know my sponsor, and when he says "a while" he really means five years minimum. I had some difficulty talking with my sponsor today, and when I would start to talk about something, I would get the Microsoft Blue Screen of Death. I would freeze, like a computer that cannot keep up with all the running processes, so it crashes. My brain is on overload, and I know my sponsor only has an hour to spare so I try to say too much within that time element. My mind hasn't been the same since I did the meth the first week of August.

I have no business being in a relationship this early on. In my opinion, all addicts and or alcoholics are codependant. It seems that we need others to create how we are going to feel, and that is not healthy. We become reactors, rather than actors. So, I am not in an emeshment of emotions. I have tried it in the past, and it has always ended in disaster, no matter how well meaning my intentions are. Basically I am a broken person. Due to my newness in recovery again, I just do not have much to bring to the table concerning women and romance. Maybe someday. The healthier I can be, the healthier people I will attract, rather than people that are as sick or sicker than I am...Ok, another day clean and sober. A little 24 hour bracket.