Catching myself...

Several days ago at an AA meeting, I caught myself day dreaming about moving away. I caught myself for the first time. That's the alcoholic brain that was thinking. In the past I have moved far away from home, only to start drinking...In places where people knew nothing of my alcoholic/addict past. I live on the west coast, and once moved to the east coast, so I could drink. Another time, I changed countries. I moved to Canada, and tried social drinking. It's a wonder I never got a DUI in Canada. I recall driving back to the vineyard one night after spending the evening in a pub. I had to cover one eye, just so I could see one center line. I would have been jailed and deported. By injuring my back hauling hay, I believe I got hurt for a reason. I had no medical coverage while living in Canada. I had to come back home to get medical care, and to get sober. What a trip. I know that my attitude is different now that I'm back on testosterone therapy. But that's how quickly my alcoholic brain can turn on me. During a meeting it attacked me. Cunning, baffling, powerful. No doubt. My doc says in September when I go in for some blood work, we will talk about the plan of attack to get me off of antidepressants. I have been on/off them since age 15. I smell good things happening. I think it's odd to be a single codependent to feel this good. Maybe I'll get a tattoo, shove a bone through my nose, or run a stud into my ear...naw, maybe not. Those days are done too. I may just let my hair grow...Read, write, and go to meetings. Buh bye...Hope you all are sober and doin' the steps.