Alcoholic Brain

Hi and thanks for visiting. I have an alcoholic brain. I will try to post comments daily about how this alcoholic brain functions.
Sober date: October 4th, 2005.

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Location: West Coast, United States

Friday, February 17, 2006

Life is too damn short...

I went to a friends house last night. Thursday night is movie night, so I took a few of my movies over. We watched "Men of Honor" and "My Name is Bill W." I really like both movies. I don't find recovery such a struggle anymore. I suppose that I get tired of people who say I should do this or that, in reference to my "program." Hints to what I should be doing. Well, I can say "I got my mind right boss." I am thinking steps and recovery constantly in my head. Nothing is confusing. Dr Bob, at the end of the movie says "keep it simple, and don't drink, no matter what." I believe I will adhere to that advise. I also live with another stigma...Back pain. It is a subjective injury, so people can't, or won't see, how debilitating the pain can be...So, I get judged that way too. On the 24th of this month, I will find out if there is a surgical fix for my back, if not, then I will demand that I be retired. I also take mental health type of medicine. My therapist wanted me to take the five classes on addiction I need to work in the counseling field again. Yesterday, I had an appointment with her, and laid out all the truth about that. I have been on antidepressants since the age of 15, and I am now in my 50's. I have been told for over 20 years that I have to stay on this medicine, in order to function. Now, being on psychotropics, there is no counseling agency that would hire me. They don't hire folks who have to take "mood-altering" chemicals.
So, now we are looking at what I want to be when I grow up. This will take time, something I don't have a lot of. None of us do. Life is too short and can be taken away in the blink of an eye. In the ambulance business I saw it far too many times. I have always had this fantasy of living life as if I had only 24 hours to live. I think that is an ideal not often attained. I do have some dreams, like love. Love, the most powerful thing known. I have it, and I want to give it away. The neat thing, (and I'm not talking sexual love here) is that I can love all of my friends with equal intensity and I will have lost nothing! I love my friends, but for me, I feel the need to tell them more about it, and behave that way more. Don't misunderstand...I dig sexual love too...When it's right. Keep it simple, keep it simple, and don't drink no matter what...


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