Alcoholic Brain

Hi and thanks for visiting. I have an alcoholic brain. I will try to post comments daily about how this alcoholic brain functions.
Sober date: October 4th, 2005.

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Location: West Coast, United States

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

I am nothing without...

I recall a book titled something like "Why Do I Feel Like Nothing Without a Man?" Looking at the symptoms of codependency, I can say "I am one." When I look at where I have been getting my positive strokes, the demand is more than the supply. In other words, I need more positive feedback, rather than getting it from a girlfriend. Humans need positive strokes from many sources. I have been this way since 1990 following divorcing my second wife. I have made a decision to not engage in a relationship, but it is difficult to change this old behavior. Nights are really bad. I often feel consumed with loneliness, and negative self talk creeps in. So, look at the time, and I don't want to go to sleep. I am not use to being a single type of guy. It is going to take some extensive soul searching to understand why it is I function better when I am in a relationship. I would be a liar saying I do not miss a sexual relationship, but that really isn't it either. I think it is more of an intimacy factor. The last relationship I was in, the lady knew everything about me, and I had nothing to hide, and our relationship was hangup free. It's cool to be able to be yourself with someone. I am not getting any younger...Am I trying to justify putting myself back on "the market" for a relationship? Maybe. Who doesn't want to be loved by someone? I do, but I have to remember that my own recovery is my priority. Without it, a relationship wouldn't be a very pretty place...Another "24" today!!


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