Alcoholic Brain

Hi and thanks for visiting. I have an alcoholic brain. I will try to post comments daily about how this alcoholic brain functions.
Sober date: October 4th, 2005.

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Location: West Coast, United States

Sunday, June 25, 2006

I miss dancing...

My divorce was final in 1991. But the prior eight years were very happy ones. My wife and I liked to crank up the sound system at home, light candles and slow dance. I really miss that kind of thing. It is very intimate, without saying a word. It's awesome to dance with someone who knows everything there is to know about you. There's no pretending to be something, or somebody else. I could just be me, without fear of being judged or put down in some way. The 1990's were rough on me. I blamed myself for a failed marriage. But I just couldn't live with a practicing cocaine addict anymore. I had to bail to save myself. My grief process was rather morbid however. For years I carried a ton of guilt for divorcing my wife. Thanks to a paid friend, and a lot of work of my own, I was able to turn my guilt into regrets. Since I gave up my guilt, I gave up a rationalization to drink/drug. I let go of an excuse. That's a beautiful thing. I sometimes worry about not being in a similar situation like that again. Where the trust is so great, you have nothing to fear when it comes to a love. It seems to be an ideal not often attained...

3 Comments:

Anonymous Mark W. said...

Brain - I may be wrong but this

"Where the trust is so great, you have nothing to fear when it comes to a love"

sounds like you may have had the experience.

If you have then you've missed nothing and, sad to say, I'd love to feel it some day but I have little faith I will.

7:36 PM  
Blogger Alcoholic Brain said...

Thanks Mark. I should consider myself fortunate. Keep the faith...

9:28 PM  
Blogger Sober Chick said...

I think it is wonderful that you can look back at this time in your life and apprciate the beauty of it. Sounds like you had lots of work after to process, but it is nice to learn that you don't have a resentment.

You still can dance, perhaps to a different song now a days ;)

10:37 PM  

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