Alcoholic Brain

Hi and thanks for visiting. I have an alcoholic brain. I will try to post comments daily about how this alcoholic brain functions.
Sober date: October 4th, 2005.

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Location: West Coast, United States

Saturday, December 06, 2008

So grateful for her...and my God.

My best friend and roommate who is still away in treatment, is on my mind a lot. She will complete a six-month inpatient program soon. Before she comes home, she may enter into another more structured environment for extra time. This is due to honesty that she is afraid she might drink due to powerful episodic physical alcohol cravings, along with episodes of deep depression of almost a bipolar nature. At first I was upset that she might not be coming home right away. I stayed pissed for almost a week! I took off my ring and threw it in a drawer. That was the selfish me. King Baby was really acting up. It didn't take me long to realize what she and I really have. It's more than most. She and I have always agreed that we were best friends first. Regardless what happens or doesn't happen between us. Example, we may be romantically involved like we have been, or we may not be for a while. We may never be involved that way again. She is at the moment of truth where one more drink could very well be her last. Death could follow a binge with her. This time it matters and it's real. In the past, she didn't appear to be afraid of another drink. She and I are not going to let the complications of a relationship with each other get into the way of her recovery. Even though she says a relationship with me has never been difficult. I have always been patient, kind and tolerant of her alcoholism and it's associated behaviors. If she and I are to be together, God will probably make sure that happens.

As I walked around this place tonight I was recalling some joy we have experienced here. Last Christmas we were all sober and were able to have a beautiful, love filled Christmas. I told her it was the best Christmas I had in over 20 years. That's the truth. Coming up on two years that we have lived here in this place, I have so much to be thankful for. Just last night she said "I love you." I always have loved her. She would try so hard to stay sober. I've never seen anyone try so hard. Yet time after time she would "fail." But I never lost hope, or gave up on her, when so many others did. Some think I'm nuts for hanging in so long. That's the problem with a lot of people today. They give up to easy, which is the easy thing to do. Sometimes the best things to do in life are to do the hard things. With this woman though, I have never felt discouragement. I got divorced from my second wife in 1990, and for the first time in my life since, I have felt these past couple of years that I live in a home, rather than a house. I have an undying love for her, whether we end up together or apart. She has brought love and hope back into my life, a kind I have never had. This is something I may have missed out on if God hadn't made our paths cross two short years ago. Back then I made some promises to her. I promised that I would never abandon her. I promised I would never leave her. I promised her hope, always. I promised that I would always believe in her. I promised these things will always be, as long as I am alive. She is such a beautiful part of my life. I know I have a God that loves me, and loves her as well. I have grown and learned much from my best friend/lover/roommate. I am so grateful and thankful that we connect and have total trust in each other. This is deeply personal for me to say all these things.After a life of breaking promises, it feels beyond beautiful to keep these. I will forever be my best friends cheerleader. She is worth it.


Blogger Deb said...

Keep coming back. It keeps getting better.

7:17 AM  
Blogger Meg Moran said...

Nice to hear from you...your comment on my blog was very confusing though.........LOL

Great post, love her, love her sobriety.

12:16 PM  
Blogger dAAve said...

Just keep living the steps and see what happens.

6:31 PM  
Blogger A Tampa Realtor said...

It's good to say deeply personal things...

7:51 PM  

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